I’m wondering if mine isn’t a similar fate to that of Tesla’s:

•Broke and alone?

Welp, I’m no too far from there now!

As wonderful as it is to go from a bad life to a good life as a child (any 👉 in one’s life I suppose) -it’s equally horrendous to go from a good life to a bad one. I 🤔 about the many different experiences, many so negative (too many) -I don’t know how in the world -it just seems so surreal! And when I think back on my time with my parents (no memory whatsoever of them together -i saw one picture of them together with my father’s arm around my mother) -20 years ago it felt like a whole nother lifetime. I’m only 57 and it’s been 37 years since I’ve seen my mother. Heard her voice. Felt her touch.*

If as an adult, you think it would be difficult to handle 2 alcoholic/addicts -you should try it as an infant 🥴

*My father has been gone 25 years -his two siblings are still alive n’ kickin’. From my grandmother’s and grandfather’s side of the family, most of their siblings seem to lead happily married lives. But neither my grandmother or my grandfather -divorced. Then from my grandmother and grandfather’s children -my father and mother divorced. But my father’s siblings -still married to this day. 😢 What is it? My mother was adopted so we really don’t know much about that side of the family. What we did learn of her mother -was a similar fate to my mother and father. Breaking the Chain… is… 😔

I love to watch movies that came out while my parents were still alive. There’s a fondness; a reminiscence there.

I forgot this and God brought it to my attention just now -I don’t recall if I prayed to have it returned. Thank You God 🙏 After all, it does seem somewhat monotonous. Asking or forgetting -I’m not sure which. It’s tiresome the fact that God took a man with such a horrible memory to task as such. 🤷‍♂️

Anyway it’s calm right now I’m watching the movie the French connection for 1971 – In one particular scene I believe I see the world trade center is portrayed center in the process of being completed in the background. While up at the cabin at Russian-River one year* I remember flipping through some national geographics? Reader’s Digest? And in one of the pictures was the building of the world trade centers which I vaguely remember. I think I even recall the articles stating that they would be completed by 1973? This is such a very long time ago and it is such a hazy recollection. I do recall the picture of one or both of the towers have to 2/3 built at that time in the picture. Even that’s very hazy I could be completely wrong. I do know there was a picture of a partial completion on the page however. Those towers and this memory have always held great significance, and sentimentality/sentimentalism to me. 🤷‍♂️

*My grandparents owned a cab and up at Russian river between Guerneville and (Hope Mills?) the ocean -right on the river off of Moscow road. About 5 miles from where the river runs into the ocean. There’s a scene in the movie Forever Young starring Mel Gibson, towards the end which shows him flying over that very beach -Ana and I had visited it back in 2015. It was one of my lifelong dreams that at some time later in my life I would be able to follow that river to the sea. And it didn’t disappoint, it was one of the most beautiful, and rewarding experiences of my life -and to have Ana with me -the love of my life!

My fondest memories in my childhood were those of being with my grandparents up at the cabin. One year my mother even made it. I can picture her swimming in the water just off the dock -and quite vividly. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this area, it is like the Martha’s vineyard of the West Coast. It’s only a few miles from Napa Napa in the heart Sonoma County.

I didn’t know how lucky I was* to be able to have those experiences. But I know I didn’t want to leave. And it 💔 when I had gotten a call from grandma heard that they were selling the property. I would give anything to have that property today 😪

*By the time I was an adolescent, I had gained certain perspectives children have no business having, while lacking and others children of that age have no business without. I knew what it was to be a part of a functional life and I knew what it was to be a part of a dysfunctional life. And I knew very little about gratitude! I’m guessing my experiences with my father clouded my ability to recognize how fortunate I was to have been taken in by my grandmother and to grow up in the San Fernando Valley.* 🤷‍♂️😢

Two songs which often come to mind when I 🤔 of my visits to the cabin are (and mesh -as I love them very much, and all-the-more when thinking of them in some sort of collaboration with my time up there with two most sane people I have ever known):

•”The Air That I Breathe” (Albert Hammond – Whom I did not realize until many years later had written this song. I only known for the song “It never rains in California” -which in itself brings back memories of riding around in the car with my father and Patsy as a child in, of course… “Southern California”** 🤷‍♂️). Oh 🤔, and sung by The Hollies.

•”Photograph” (Ringo 🌟).

*When I reflect back, I’m very surprised prized and how normal some aspects of my life were -psychologically, emotionally speaking. Socially however…

**My grandmother was not one to take advantage of all the wonderful opportunities in the area we lived in. She was a simple woman with a high school education.. Never drove… I think we went to the beach once 😒 We could have been living in the Mojave desert…

I used to know some people who fit in just fine-but they was f’ed up underneath! I don’t fit in for shit here where I live – And my life has never been quieter, I’ve never felt more at ease! And my life has never been quieter, I’ve never felt more at ease!

I may not cut it in New York but I may just cut it in Heaven!*

I thought about calling the website “Something For Everyone” at one point.

*I would love to check out New York City -seems like a very interesting place. It seems to me that in a big city there’s a lot more pricks, but there’s a lot more opportunities to meet good people as well. I’ve always liked people on the East Coast, you get the feeling there’s a lot more tradition out there than there is out on the West Coast.

I finally figured out what my problem is (what their problem with me is) with some of the people in Alcoholics Anonymous -I’m not crazy enough 🤡

When I 1st got a PayPal account and started shopping on eBay, they were offering 0% financing periodically as a promotion. For a while now it’s been stuck at 2.99%. See they start out doing something wonderful and then they start moving in on you on you. See they start out doing something wonderful -and then they start moving in on you. I mean isn’t it enough that many of the people on the 0% financing deal default and end up paying interest? That’s more often than not, the original idea right -that X-amount of people are not going to be able to fulfill there will the fulfill their commitment and so they end up making money off of them -the same way people charge things on their credit card and the certain percentage paid off every month and pay no interest while another percentage end up with a balance which gets charged interest? My problem is this-company’s won a both ways. They want assurance of money in every case because it’s not enough to get it in most cases.

Historically, many companies in America have a tendency to reward themselves moreso than the customer (at the customers expense) in the long run. REALLY???? Sounds like an alcoholic who gets to a certain place via the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and then turns their back on it – The alcoholic forgets what got them there. Corporate America seems to exhibit the same characteristics in many cases. Get powerful and change the rules. Tour and the rules on the people who got you there.

I do not want people in Washington listening to me through someone’s phone in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Didn’t you people get the memo 10 years ago when Congress or the Supreme Court said it was lawful for the government to listen in on the American people and to go through the emails?

And as for you people who took the position that as long as you’re not doing anything wrong you don’t have anything to worry about – We’ll G why didn’t the Founding-Father’s think of that? So as long as we’re doing the right thing we have nothing to worry about right? The government’s just gonna take good care of us right -Jesus!!!! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♂️

This country was founded on the premise that the people we choose to elect into power answer to us! I wonder what the founding fathers would think of all this?

I wonder what Bill Wilson and Doctor Bob Smith would think of what each and every one of us brings to the program? Some of us might be very surprised 🤔

Whenever we fall short -it is surely due to a lack of power. Whether it be falling short in an action. Whether it be falling short in remembering something. Whether it be falling short in choosing rightly.

“The Kingdom of Heaven does not consist of talk, but of Power”.

Try to imagine a God rich in everything else -except power!

We’re it not for Judas the iscariot, there were things:

•About God we may never have known;

•About Jesus we may never have known;

•About mankind, and thus ourselves we may never have known