How foolish of me to believe even recently, it’s been recently, that have 57 years old I could stand a chance against a man half my age, bitch call my bigger, stronger, more more durable 🤷🏻‍♂️ It can take a very long time for a man to come to terms with his mortality (his (im)morality).

When I was younger I thought I could we will a lot of things into reality -by thinking them? By wanting them badly enough?

When I was younger I had a lot of thoughts there were self defeating, sabatoging… I would be with a woman for example whom II was very much attracted to yeah I’d like to and find myself turned off by her. As much as I craves crave sex, there were moments where I was disgusted by it -by them. I would look at people, in different situations, look at different people and feel disgust ed with them. I believe what I was really doing was projecting out worldly what I felt inwardly towards myself -all the years building up; being told… being neglected, abused…