The walking dead – I use this term many times with Ana Anna 10 or more years ago to refer to people who are not alive and who are not quite dead spiritually or emotionally. You will see what I’m referring to more clearly in a moment.

People come most people tend to dwell in the Gray zone between ⚫ and White. You can think of being pulled into the black zone out of the Gray zone when something tragic happens. You can think of being pulled into the white zone out of the Gray zone when someone comes along and tries to nourish you spiritually. When people get pulled in either direction karma often times the sometimes they’re put off, go into🚶‍♂️ 🚶‍♀️ a panic…

I’d like to be like Typhon but I’ll settle for being remembered as remember as someone who made a difference for the better.* 🤷‍♂️🙏🏼

*Try walking into a room full of rebellious people, defiant people… Speaking of things which go entirely against their grain. That’s what the past 40 years in Alcoholics Anonymous meeting has been like for me.**

** Daisy, our little rain dear Chihuahua doesn’t like it much when I attempt to pull the thorn from her paw -she nips and she growls! Many times, people don’t know you’re trying to help them. When they say people are animals…

Two, 🤔 NO (three) things:

1. What I have to do, essentially goes against the grain of humanity. Many people will dislike me for it; many people will misunderstand me. There will likely be no parades, no congratulatory speeches… No large circles of friends and family cemily, no fancy gatherings… It will more often than not be a tireless, thankless endeavor.Sound familiar?

2. We fight against change for the worse – To include, but not limited to meaningingless, fruitless endeavors.

3. Man is not only a survivalist, an opportunist, but a capitalist – he will NOT ONLY do so readily, or willfully, but often times wantonly -at the expense of his fellow human-being.THIS HAS TO STOP! WHAT STARTED OUT AS A NEW START, AND AN OPPORTUNITY FOR MILLIONS, HAS BEEN REDUCED TO NOTHING SHORT OF THE RAPING, PILLAGING, EXPLOITATION, AND THEFT -YES THEFT OF… A WARPING OF THIS INCREDIBLE TREASURE-TROVE OF RESOURCES, OF BEAUTY -AND OF COURSE, MORALITY (AFTER-THE-FACT… 🤔). Maybe the way we came about acquiring all of this -has come back to bite us.

You’re not going to take WORD the of an alleged-criminal’s supposed innocence but you’ll take his word regarding the guilt of supposed accomplices 😆

Sidenote: The thing that caused damage in the first place (to an otherwise healthy…) will like continue to do so to a now compromised, now damaged… Same with something possessing restorative qualities.*

*The purpose of some of these writings ✍ (and not the posts themselves) is to validate that the source itself is… to further lend credibility to the soundness (of spirit) behind the writings themselves.

Sharing in meetings (AA) like I do, 3 – 4 minutes, deeply intense… It’s my way of saying “I exist”, in a 🌎 where not just I, but many others feel unheard, unacknowledged.* Those who do feel acknowledged, is it really love ❤ they are experiencing, or something else in many instances? You see I have an issue making sense of atleast two issues in a world full of seemingly fulfilled people and unfulfilled people:

1. My personal experience with people coincides with that of the Bible -most are only a shadow of their Creator, and therefore, themselves;

2. How on the 🌎 (pun) can there be such contrasting experiences, and therefore, views of humanity by humanity itself?

It’s because humanity is neither perfect nor consistent! To be imperfect is one thing. But when you throw in inconsistent… selective… It took me a long time to figure out what some people saw in a particular 🙃 person -then one day I realized 😳 THEY WERE TREATING ME ONE WAY, AND OTHERS ANOTHER -I WITNESSED THIS FIRST HAND (SMUG OVER HERE, CORDIAL OVER THERE). Of course we know about certain people inside the home versus outside the home -same principle.

*I’ve been told for years to get out and mingle -that it’s my responsibility to make friends… to be a part of… But I’m afraid not even that seems to be of any avail 🤷‍♂️😔. My year’s sober, in counseling, only appear to have widened the gap between humanity and myself** 🤔😏

**God apparently chooses people seemingly suited to the task or 👎 Or maybe I, like Judas, have inserted myself in a position I am not well suited for. I am either unliked, or misunderstood -in either case, it doesn’t seem to be helping my cause -but hopefully, the cause of making a better world will not be too affected by me personally.

Tell a woman you love her -and then note her reaction.

Buy her a Cadillac -and then note her reaction.

How many things we could enjoy but instead… I used to get so angry when my team would lose. I realized there was using the outcomes to affect my moods, my dysthymia.

A guy in an AA meeting said that 25 years ago -and it stuck with me.

We go for years doing the same old routine -finding success. Then one day we decide we just wanna change, we wanna change things up, we wanna break that winning formula. This happens frequently with Alcoholics in recovery – It’s happening at this very moment in this country.

Spend a year away from each other -and see if you still feel the same way when you look into each other’s eyes. A lot of people spend that (extra) year together watching their feelings wither -painfully. They talked themselves out of spending time a part over and over and over again. Sometimes time a part is exactly what our relationships need. Sometimes time apart gives us a chance to see that things really weren’t meant to be.

I lived most of my life, I threw away most of my life. I had opportunities 😌 I guess I was just wanting to make up for what never was -I guess I didn’t want to accept that there is no perfect life, no perfect relationship, no perfect person. I don’t think I was able to see that what I had was what most other people had, an imperfect life, relationship, and that I too, like everyone else was imperfect. It always sermed like my life, my relationships, me -were less than others; and I wanted them to be like everyone else’s 😔.

When I was younger it was “Why me”. As I got older it became “I can’t afford to invest in failure anymore”. What did I know about being grateful for what I had?

Here I sit 57 years-old alone 🌙 after 🌙. I always said, human relationships more than anything are an indication of how healthy we are. How human we are from a Godly or ungodly perspective. I have no friends, no relationship, only God!

Sidenote: They say alcoholics are lonely people. Maybe that’s why so many of us lack proper human perspective. We spend our lives thinking where either more or less, our relationships are rather more or less than everybody else also round us – We talk ourselves into or out of this or that… While everyone else is just living life one day at a time.

“There is no perfect life Wyatt, there’s just life”.

-DOC HOLIDAY-