Ana and I first met July 19th, 2008. We fell in lust, and eventually in Love. I learned so much from her and grew perhaps even more through the pain of our struggles together and by being apart. I’ve known a lot of women throughout my life. Many of which I’ve told I loved through the years, and now I cannot even remember many of their names – (Please forgive my broken sentences this is not easy for me).
All I can say is that I had never really met a woman who truly understood or appreciated me like Ana did. It was frightening, the experiences and the things during the era we grew up in that we could share and relate to with one another. A number of things I did out of habit that reminded her of her father – things he also did. Some of my not so adorable character traits she absolutely loved, because her father had the same ones – things that many other women I had been with in the past absolutely loathed.
One of the things I love most about Ana is the little girl in her – her playfulness. There were these little things she would say and do that just made me fall in love over and over and over again (Chito and Chita were the names we gave to our little boy and girl). In so many ways too, she was selfless and thoughtful. Very personable around others as well. She could walk into a room with that genuinely sincere smile, gentle tone, and fit right in – she rarely made any waves unless you really pissed her off. And she also knew where, when, and with who to get pissed off (well maybe not so much the where and the when, but certainly the who lol). I guess it’s been 5 years now since she went back to her husband – we have remained friends during this time, but my feelings for her have not changed or slackened one bit in spite of “that fact” (nor many others… for that matter).
Based on this experience, I must contend (or concede 🤔) that true love never does die. Prior to this I could not say that or even believe it. I think many of us experience something that isn’t really love. You see, there are many different kinds of affections we human beings are capable of. Desires too can have a tendency to cloud things. As I began to fall for Ana more and more, I had not the slightest interest whatsoever in looking at another woman. Having gone through this experience I think I understand a little more now what true love really is. Especially since I have so much experience in my background regarding what it isn’t (one can never truly recognize or appreciate a negative until they’ve experienced a positive).
Anyways, the thought of sharing this today after God reminded me what day it was about an hour ago (16:52 p.m.). And the song “Lost in Love” by Air Supply almost immediately followed as the title for this post. It seemed only fitting then… So on the old YouTube I go, played it a couple of times. It was followed by “Send Her My Love” by Journey and the great Steve Perry. As the song was nearing its end I started wondering what to play next. The thought came to mind, “Feeling That Way” another great song by Journey – as the song was nearing its end, I was busy cleaning some DVD’s I had just purchased at the local bookstore – I didn’t have a chance to do a search for the song above I was thinking about. So guess what song came on after “Send Her My Love”? You got it – “Feeling That Way”. God always gives us what we need (provided we don’t interfere too much), and some of what we want too (provided it doesn’t take precedence over Him or what He asks of us for our own good). I decided to finish off my rather melancholy mood by listening to a song very dear to me that my cousin Tony had mentioned some 40 years or so ago* – he’s gone now but I often think of him when I look for it on YouTube. Well, thanks for listening. There’s some great tunes mentioned above if you care to take a listen. Bye for now. 🙂
P.S. Is your partner disposable? Replaceable? With regard to Ana, I would prefer that not be my only option at this juncture -> another facet of “True-Love” I suppose!
P.S.S. In situations like this most people generally have someone to turn to, someone to lean on. Most of my families either dead or scattered to the 4 winds due to our history of alcoholism and dysfunction. I think I’m holding up pretty well considering. I think I’m just gonna continue to go it alone. Unless God has other plans. Heard this a few times in an AA meeting – “You want to make God laugh, tell’em your plans” lol. I went through most of my life forcing things, things that have ultimately ended in failure – I heard a line from a wonderful movie called “The Verdict” starring Paul Newman – which pretty much sums up my attitude of late. “I can’t afford to invest in failure anymore Frank”. 😏 Or as Carlo Brigante’ so abruptly put it, “You don’t change, you just get too old to do the things you used to do”. That’s me!
*The song is “Alien” by the Atlanta Rhythm Section – song credits: Buddy Buie/Randy Lewis/Steve McRay.
•Title credited to Graham Russell (writer) – sung by Air Supply.
••Songs “Send Her My Love” credited to (Jonathan Caine/Steve Perry) and “Feeling That Way” credited to (Aynsley Dunbar/Steve Perry/Gregg Rolie) respectively.
•••Excerpt from the movie “The Verdict” credited to David Mamet (screenplay) and Sidney Lumet (Director).
••••Excerpt from the movie “Carlitos Way” credited to David Koepp (screenplay) and Brian De Palma (Director).