If you folks in AA are having trouble with what I have to say -how do you think my own Alcoholism feels? If you folks in AA are having trouble with what I have to say now -what do you suppose the rest of the 🌎 is going to think of the website?*

I guess you could say I have a pension for “raw-truth” -A DEATH WISH? You want to make enemies -the truth is the way to go!

*I think one of the issues I’m having an Alcoholics Anonymous is that I have a tendency to speak to more to a global audience

I used to ask people up at the treatment center if your child is dying or you’re gonna be picky about who you get the cure from? If you come in to Alcoholics Anonymous dictating the terms of your own on recovery then you’re not desperate enough.

I used to tell people sitting there in the group group looking rather disinterested…. We were sitting here doing a group on your child’s future survival sir survival-what would you be doing right now? Would you be sitting there all nonchalant or would you have a piece of paper and a Pan in hand and a manual reaching for whatever information you could get to save that child? I’ll? Then I would ask him if they thought their lives were as important as their own children’s?

I want sast of a group of 15 or so -how many of you grew up with one alcoholic parent? Several people raised their hands. Then I asked how many of you grew up with 2 attic alcoholic parents? One person raised their hand out of 15..

It isn’t easy to stand up to people once you realize what you’re doing

When your car runs out of oil or out of gas or out of water it fails fairly quickly. And yet, human beings common Americans are notorious for their poor diets science and yet their bodies keep going for decades. Yeah of course they start having problems with their eyesight and and other issues which could have been prevented had they kept a healthier diet. It’s gotta be God 🤷‍♂️ What else can it be!

People don’t necessarily want answers that they themselves are (solely) responsible for implementing.

This evening, I got very upset at Ana. The past day or so I found myself letting some of my feelings for her be conveyed. I even went so far as to text her some of my pain and regret over our break-up. And along with those sentiments, I sent her a song “I’m Sorry” by the late-great John Denver. Well, this morning I got a call from her which started out with “I’m not in a good space -same old stuff…” only a day or two following her trip from San Antone. So she calls me later this evening -unusual at this stage for her to do so. What wasn’t unusual was her picking a fight to either shield herself from feelings for me; attempt to kill or moderate them (women will use various tactics to do so I have observed over the years -keeping their distance…). And sure enough, I didn’t see it coming in time -I fell for it (once again) disguised as one of man’s greatest weaknesses -finances (she started pushing buttons with some money she owed me; started tinkering around with my head “Well, why is it this much… since I already paid…?” Questioning my… so I thought 🤔. I said things I shouldn’t have -again! 🤷‍♂️ Like I said I’m a previous post “For some, relationships are a game -of sorts”. The emotional stressor, vulnerabilities are often too much for them 😔 And at this stage in my life -after numerous failings of this kind, more than anything else I’m the world; this sort of relapse is something I feel I can neither afford (there’s really no one else left to lose, or push away); and she is the last person in the world I want to (push away)! 💔 <-hmm, this icon popped up. Iiiiiiii… right now as I had attempted to go to 😴 found my self once thoroughly disheartened 😔 <- nother icon popped up. Her husband doesn’t appear to be triggered by these things for whatever reason -makes a person wonder about themselves all-the-more 🤔 I don’t know if it’s as simple or accurate or fair to even suggest he is stronger, or I am weaker… maybe she doesn’t even do these things with him (because the feelings aren’t as strong or they are different -I mentioned feelings earlier and how women use different coping skills for moderating and dealing with theirs -alot of women will settle for a relationship with a man who does not bring about the sort of powerful feelings that scare the shit out of). Anyways, I also think about another man in AA who was a real loser out on the street (which I never considered myself) -and how he supposedly NEVER has gotten 😡 (upset at his wife -maybe he doesn’t want to shoot himself in the 🦶 -as I said earlier many people disguise disguise one thing for another… what appears to be respectability, could simply be AA case of self preservation)). Based upon the two men I mention above:

•Could I really be that week? Or;

•Do I lack, or I am limited to my own self-preservation? Or;

•Am I acting in self-preservation?

I find my self at “wits-end”*. Bill W’s old roost 🐓

*Not sure exactly what’s keeping me going thru all this -I’ve just about lost everything a man can lose that means anything to him -except my lodgings my vehicle -and whatever dignity I have remaining 🙆‍♂️

Some people are disappointed to find that -all the success in the world will not shield us from “our darkest demons”. From “our deepest fears”. “Our most gaping wounds.” I think Harry Nilsson discovered this alarming fact after he had reached what he felt was the apex of his career 😪. Uhm 🤔, I think I understand some of that myself. I’m coming to understand that no matter how much better I get (life for me, for a very long time now has been about recovering, getting better) -there’s a point at which I… in which all that I have suffered in life, all the painful realities that life throws at each of us daily… -only so much relief can-be-had! 😌 (a certain amount of joy and sorrow are a fact of life -in spite of our efforts to tilt reality toward… away from…

People do things for many different reasons. May appear to demonstrate as calm or patient is patience or restraint is Sprint manufactured simply be aloofness or indifference 🤷‍♂️ This is the case in every area of life possibly. One thing being disguised/mistook for another that is. I mean 🤔, its’ possible for one thing (behavior, egg (loon) to be substituted for/with another).

This statement may sound a little odd and it may not be entirely true but I wish to have the concept itself appreciated nonetheless.

“I have had as much trouble (with people) while being selfish and self centered as I have while being selfless and other centered”. 🤷‍♂️

One of my problems is I get.multiple ideas about a certain issue -and can’t figure out which is the most plausible

It seems that most people always have to form an opinion about something or someone

I would tell people up at the hospital when it came to the 2nd step and the 3rd step of the 12 steps in Alcoholics Anonymous “When you 1st meet someone, you don’t know exactly who they are -so you have some preconceived notions or ideas… Which later get replaced by experiences through interaction. You for for example learn whether or not you can trust or rely on this person. It’s the same thing with God, when we are 1st embarking upon a relationship with Him.

When you talk to a newcomer and Alcoholics Anonymous – Many of them try to think their way to what a relationship is or should be. I tell them that by making the choice to continue to work those steps proceeding from 2, and 3, you are actively pursuing that relationship proactively (in part by removing the obstacles).

Every argument sounds great until it’s challenged.

Nothing tests us like our personal relationships. No one knows us more intimately than… It’s hard enough to go through life dealing with our own “being” -but when you toss in a second one, or a 3rd, or a 4th, or a 5th… it can be a pretty tricky act to balance. And some people do amazingly well -but most of us… are basically average -hence the word “average” as defined (where most of us are going to fit in 😏). And a relationship is not for the faint-at-heart, it’s not for the immature, it’s not for the aloof or the indifferent, nor the fly-by-nights, nor the self-indulgent, nor the overindulgent…🤷‍♂️ It’s a very, very serious thing (hold on loosely but dont let go).

Some people have the ability to comprehend on a deeper level than others. I personally 🤔, have to grasp certain key elements before I can grasp “the… core concept”. And maybe that is the case for all people-or simply one style of many, one of and infinite… 🤷‍♂️

I think for some people relationships are a game. They (relationships) are highly taxing, and even threatening emotionally (when we are at our most vulnerable) -and I think the way a lot of us handle it is by a certain kind of quirkiness or a certain amount of craziness. Now I’m not saying I’m not guilty of it myself but -but I don’t like being on the receiving end of it! 🤷‍♂️

I’ve observed a lot of women who dress to attract attention and then appear perturbed at the attention they draw. Maybe they don’t know their dressing to attract attention-maybe they figure they’re just dressing to the times or the culture. A lot of women think they can dress provocatively and have the right to be unmolested -but that’s not reality. A lot of women think they can take things as far as they want to and turn around and say no -not real wise I will say.

A lot of women love (the power of) saying no almost as much as they hate hearing (being told…) it. 🤷‍♂️

“The Kingdom of Heaven does not consist of talk but of power”.

I mean can you imagine having a weak Higher Power? Or a weak God running the universe -total chaos! Satan running over God left-and-right.

When we become close to people, we take on all their joy and all their pain. And the more people we become close to… boils down to how much joy and pain a person can stomach. Some people draw energy from people around them while others expend… I expend, and draw, from what I gather.

This morning in the meeting once again somebody felt inclined to comment on my comment I’m assuming… when you do that it comes across like I have power over you and believe it or not, I don’t want any power over you anymore!

Alcoholics Anonymous is notorious for its rebellious people. In the meeting this morning somebody stated that if you try to shove this program down my throat I’m gonna puke it backup. So if did so if I tell you you have to work the steps or get a sponsor and go to meetings you’re going to cease all of those choices because of that? What may be you haven’t had enough…. There’s an old saying an alcoholic synonymous commalex anonymous karma God may Chase you out of the rooms but alcohol will Chase you back in period I have another saying, other saying, the truth may push you out of Alcohol Anonymous but alcohol won’t alcohol will bring you back in period

For the longest time I looked for what the world had to offer instead of what God had to offer instead of what God had to offer. My life was very chaotic and complicated. It’s no longer chaotic and it’s no longer complicated. 🤷‍♂️

Defiance is not a spiritual principle. It’s a character defect-it’s not something to be proud of! Shouting from the rooftops… if you try to shove something down my throat I’m gonna spit it back out there’s nothing to be proud of period

I’m not trying to fluster any of you people intentionally-but the truth has a way of doing that on its own with some people.

The purer the message-the greater the rebellion Lynn, the greater the uprising!

Hell I never listened to the suggestions and I’ll call it anonymous when you try to give them to me peaceable like.. I probably won’t listen to if you try to shove him down my throat either so what’s the difference? 🤷‍♂️

I don’t see anybody showing any initiative in this town-except of course when their feathers get ruffled. It’s the same attitude in reverse as when you get the wrong change at the register. Everybody wants to speak up but when they get the right change or change an access they don’t say anything.

If for example somebody received stolen property and then refuses to explain to the police where they got it from then they can only punish them finish them for refusing to tell them where they got it from not for actually stealing.

I’m probably more spiritual than I am human these days-that’s the only way I can make sense of the simplicity and the decency of my life and the issues I’m having with certain people around me. I’m probably more human than I am spiritual these days Dave I’m probably more spiritual than I am human these days-that’s the only way I can make sense of the simplicity and the decency of my life and the issues I’m having with certain people around me.

If some of the people in Alcoholics Anonymous have a problem with what I have to say-how do you think my alcoholism feels about it

Everyone announced the holocaust anonymous gets hit for the 1st time period I’m. It might be A-day it might be a year or 2…. But sitting around the meetings having coffee and shooting the shit may not be sufficient to prepare you for when that day comes.

A man’s got to know his own limitations in recovery.

Recovery is different for everyone. It took some more than others to reach that place in their addiction and it makes perfect sense that it takes more for some than others to reach that place in recovery -that place of safety. That place of Serenity.

The other day Daisy got a thorn in her paw and I tried to get it out and she was nipping at me.. She didn’t know I was trying to help her. A lot of people in alcoholics and anonymous are that way too. They don’t know you’re trying to help them! They don’t know the difference between healthy hurt and harmful hurt yet. And their ego is the deciding factor in a lot of cases.

Neial said about 28 years ago, “This program can hurt you but it can’t harm you.”

So if I ordered you not to go out and get drunk you’re gonna go out and get drunk? Well that’s the state of mind you are in…. I strongly suggest you look for change-and fast!! Some sort of a spiritual experience how’s the here and now variety

No matter how much you accomplish in life -if your ❤ isn’t in the right place… No matter how much you fail in life -if your ❤ is in the right place….

Last time I checked we all have to take a dump. Even Jesus had to!

Many times, I’ve noticed that when I kick a rock towards a curb it hops up it just the last 2nd and gets over it. Interesting 🤔

A lot of us alcoholics lack perspective. A lot of human beings too

Children at a very young age learn not to jump off something more than a couple of feet tall. Yo. Young adults at an early age learn not to jump off of something more than 5 or 6′ tall.. And adults learn at some point not to jump off of something more than 7 to 10′ tall. It’s a pity that most of us don’t learn about such things as alcoholism until long after it’s too late.

If I say I’m gonna pay you a million dollars to jump off the Wells Fargo bank tower are you gonna do it? Of course not. Why not? Because I’d be dead! And yet you take the leap with your alcoholism….

If I put a rug in the middle of the hallway with the intention of not tripping over it and I keep walking past it over and over again, which could be considered practicing over and over again… eventually I’m going to trip over it right!! The things we do and the reasons we do do them for and the outcomes we hope for are not always in line with reality. Nobody starts out drinking to become an alcoholic and yet we did precisely what was necessary to become one. How many other areas of our lives.. Do you have how many other choices we have made…. It’s when we don’t want to accomplish something and yet we do through repetition.

So many people in Alcoholics Anonymous have a problem with the word God. A shovel by any other name still does the same job as long as we use it correctly right?

There are people in the world who have gotten them even though they claim there isn’t 1. There are people in the world who don’t have God in them who claim there is 1. How can you tell the difference-by the fruit each bears each bears!

My dad had a chance at a pretty good life-and he blew it!

Another thing my father told me 40 some years ago – “Those Rivera’s -there are hard people”. I don’t consider myself a hard person.

During my father’s rosary rosary, my Uncle Richard stood up and said that his brother was the type of person that would give you the shirt off his back. He also said he wasn’t like that himself. I can attest to that fact through personal experience! The other point I wish to make is that my father may have been willing to give the shirt off his back to a stranger- But for 10 plus years all he did was take for me and my grandmother. God-bless him wherever he is now!🙏

Pick it out one person you trust and confiding in them is not gossiping!

It’s the truth we don’t want to hear but it’s the person giving it to us that we use as the excuse to justify our feelings.

I heard it said in a meeting many years ago if you’re boredthan you’re a boring person. It’s not my job to bring joy and laughter into your life it’s your job. A lot of people in Alcoholics Anonymous come in to be entertained and listen to the stories and the jokes….

Old white people rule! The people that came out of World War II and shortly thereafter.. Old white people rule! The people that came out of World War II and shortly thereafter… I guess

A lot of people here in the town I live and get flustered over things that a lot of people normally don’t even think about.

Just because you say it is -doesn’t mean it is… Just because I say it isn’t -doesn’t mean it isn’t!

In Alcoholics Anonymous, in a meeting, you think it’s just the people telling jokes and entertaining you with their stories that are trying to help you?

There’s 2 kinds of people in the world: The ones who think they’re cool as hell and look around at everybody else and think their fools…

If you try to go beyond superficial/casual with some people they don’t handle it well.

Some people don’t know anything about Strife, violence, conflict… Don’t ask me where these words come from in my head but they do. I’m thinking a lot of people are… Tepid was the 1st word that came to mind and that was wrong. Then the word intrepid came to mind and that was wrong. So then I thought “trepid” – And that was the word I was looking for.

While it is right to protect children from certain things in the world it is also right to allow them to experience certain things in the world so that don’t have an aversion to reality or get caught off guard by it. There’s a real art to a parent knowing which things to submit a child too or allow… and which ones not to.

When some people come in downtown college anonymous they don’t feel so good… The last thing they want is a dose of reality. They wanna laugh or they want to… Understandably so…

Do you think for one minute that bill Wilson was the man who established the attitude that all are welcome in Alcoholics Anonymous? That none can be thrown out of Alcoholics Anonymous bo matter what? Bill Wilson had people who didn’t like him and I’m sure he had people he didn’t like. God is perhaps the only one capable of complete and utter acceptance and love for mankind.

When you lie to a woman they become resentful. When you tell them the truth they become resentful.

When you are on either side of the bell curve it is (often) problematic for those in the middle.

I noticed that I put a lot of things off to the point where it borders on deprivation of good things. I’ll have a stack of DVD’s and and refuse to play the best ones best one…

The you 1st – me 1st generation…

Sometimes I do things that really aren’t worth the the reputation that ensues. Like I might make a big deal out of a dollar and then get a reputation for being a tight-ass 🤷‍♂️