This insinuation that 1 life is greater than another…. Nobody pays much attention if Bill Smith dies of a heart attack we’re falling down the stairs… But when John Lennon gets shot…. It’s our own doing… And then when we ourselves pass away and most people don’t seem to give two – shits; We’re essentially reaping what we have sown. Not that we give two – shits ourselves after the fact. But it’s not so much the people themselves we give two – shit about. Why would we give two – shits about John Lennon if we never knew him? It’s how they touched us-or more shallow cases, how they entertained us. But none of this really has much to do with the actual valuing of a human being’s life (or death) – Capish?

I appear to have a level of depth that is unwelcomed by many in this community.

You ever think about the garbage being pushed on the American people in an an effort to survive? To earn a living? To make money? To become a billionaire? How is it that we come to accept the kind of food that’s being offered to ourselves and our own children in this country?

Mass-Insanity/Suicide 🤷‍♂️

Every time we take a drag off a cigarette we willfully give away time from our lifespan.

Every time we eat unhealthy food we will fully give away time from our lifespan.

And examples reverberate (are passed on) to our children -how is it that likely the most sacred thing of our species -that of WHAT WE PASS ON TO OUR CHILDREN has been subverted, by-passed, twisted? Well that answer is very, very simple:

•Money

•Survival (by death)

•Greed

INCIDENTLY, THE MOTIVATION BEHIND THIS BLOG NOT ONLY EXTENDS TO PEOPLE BEING EXPLOITED, OR ABUSED BY OTHERS (MALICIOUSLY OR IGNORANTLY -PEOPLE ALSO HARM THEMSELVES FOR SUCH REASONS -AND MORE), BUT TO HELP ALL PARTIES -BE IT VICTIMS OR INSTIGATORS TO A BETTER WAY OF LIVING (AS PER GOD’S TEACHING).

AA is like anything else (sorta):

•You get out of it what you put into it (and a whole lot more probably (Alcoholics wouldn’t likely stand for anything less -lol).*

•Alot of people in AA aren’t that different from people out their.

I didn’t come into this life, or more to the point, I didn’t leave the nest very well prepared! And I certainly understood little about people. One of the things that puzzled me was how certain people managed to get along in life when they… 🤷‍♂️ Or, how some people think the world of people who appear to be complete jack-asses in my mind. The answer to the riddle is this: (some) People treat some people one way, and they treat others another

if you can’t deal with the personalities around you, how are you going to deal with your own Alcoholic personality? If you can’t deal with the personalities in AA (many of which are trying to be helpful) -where there is no alcohol, then how are you going to deal with the world outside of the rooms where:

•There is 🍸 (alcohol)

•Where alot of people either don’t understand you or don’t even care to

•Where there are real-life jerks out there, many of whom have bad intentions

insides outsides… a shame… I didnt… until** (rebel) Granville pointed out… There’s an old saying an Alcoholics Anonymous “Comparing your insides with somebody’s outside”.*** Well:

•A lot of times we have no choice because people don’t always readily throw themselves out there (we see only what they want us to see)

•When a lot of people 1st come in to Alcoholics Anonymous, they don’t feel very good, and they don’t feel very well about themselves. I feel that sometimes people come into the rooms and look around and feel like nobody can relate to what they’re going through -some of us look too happy, like life is perfect… And I guess there would be nothing wrong with that -except for the fact that in a lot of cases people’s lives are not perfect, and they are not happy -they just refuse to let anybody see it (ego, fear). And I don’t think this is good for anyone and I don’t think it’s a good representation of the program itself

We might all be equal in AA but we don’t all possess:

•The same motives

•The same (amount of) wisdom

•The same (amount of) knowledge

•The (same amount of) humity

Alcoholics rarely sober up under ideal conditions.

Something good rarely comes from poor decision making

The thing I love about Alcoholics Anonymous that’s different from the rest of the world outside is that the things we are suggested to do are suggested to do… WHEN WE FOLLOW THEM -EVERYBODY WINS!

*Perhaps nowhere more so than when practicing spiritual principles -do we reap a greater reward reward or harvest for our efforts -and why not? They are the most difficult -so it only makes sense they would be the most rewarding (AND THE MOST PLEASING TO GOD).

**Until I was able to do a thorough 4th and 5th step with my sponsor Granville and gain some perspective on the world through his experience… As I worked my way through the 4th and 5th step there was something very surprising that occurred:

•He asked me to come back the following week. Now here was a man that truly was getting to know me and accepted me. A lot of people whom I had dealt with in the past, really didn’t know me and yet they refused to accept me.

•If a mortal man could accept me as I am only knowing 60 to 70% of me thus far-then what could I expect from a God, who is all-loving, and unconditional in His acceptance -my Grandmother always told me “You can’t outdo God”.

And lastly, when we completed the 4th and 5th steps one of my greatest moments in recovery was when Granville told me “You’re not that bad Richard -you’re about in the middle (of all the people I’ve worked with)”.****

***A lot of Alcoholics lead very isolated lives -in many instances we never get close enough to other people -or, we never seem able to get far enough outside of ourselves to actually know other people… So end up with a very overblown view of ourselves compared to a very shallow understanding of those around us. 🤷‍♂️

****Until a person has been completely open and honest with at least one human being on this planet about who they are -We never know anything close to the complete and absolute unconditional love and acceptance God Himself and self offers us.

Another gift of this great program is I hold no malice we’re wishing no ill will towards any human being on this planet, past or present. Not all peoples are capable of reaching this level -It’s a gift I am not nearly grateful (often) enough for.

If you folks in AA are having trouble with what I have to say -how do you think my own Alcoholism feels? If you folks in AA are having trouble with what I have to say now -what do you suppose the rest of the 🌎 is going to think of the website?*

I guess you could say I have a pension for “raw-truth” -A DEATH WISH? You want to make enemies -the truth is the way to go!

*I think one of the issues I’m having an Alcoholics Anonymous is that I have a tendency to speak to more to a global audience

I used to ask people up at the treatment center if your child is dying or you’re gonna be picky about who you get the cure from? If you come in to Alcoholics Anonymous dictating the terms of your own on recovery then you’re not desperate enough.

I used to tell people sitting there in the group group looking rather disinterested…. We were sitting here doing a group on your child’s future survival sir survival-what would you be doing right now? Would you be sitting there all nonchalant or would you have a piece of paper and a Pan in hand and a manual reaching for whatever information you could get to save that child? I’ll? Then I would ask him if they thought their lives were as important as their own children’s?

I want sast of a group of 15 or so -how many of you grew up with one alcoholic parent? Several people raised their hands. Then I asked how many of you grew up with 2 attic alcoholic parents? One person raised their hand out of 15..

It isn’t easy to stand up to people once you realize what you’re doing

When your car runs out of oil or out of gas or out of water it fails fairly quickly. And yet, human beings common Americans are notorious for their poor diets science and yet their bodies keep going for decades. Yeah of course they start having problems with their eyesight and and other issues which could have been prevented had they kept a healthier diet. It’s gotta be God 🤷‍♂️ What else can it be!

People don’t necessarily want answers that they themselves are (solely) responsible for implementing.

This evening, I got very upset at Ana. The past day or so I found myself letting some of my feelings for her be conveyed. I even went so far as to text her some of my pain and regret over our break-up. And along with those sentiments, I sent her a song “I’m Sorry” by the late-great John Denver. Well, this morning I got a call from her which started out with “I’m not in a good space -same old stuff…” only a day or two following her trip from San Antone. So she calls me later this evening -unusual at this stage for her to do so. What wasn’t unusual was her picking a fight to either shield herself from feelings for me; attempt to kill or moderate them (women will use various tactics to do so I have observed over the years -keeping their distance…). And sure enough, I didn’t see it coming in time -I fell for it (once again) disguised as one of man’s greatest weaknesses -finances (she started pushing buttons with some money she owed me; started tinkering around with my head “Well, why is it this much… since I already paid…?” Questioning my… so I thought 🤔. I said things I shouldn’t have -again! 🤷‍♂️ Like I said I’m a previous post “For some, relationships are a game -of sorts”. The emotional stressor, vulnerabilities are often too much for them 😔 And at this stage in my life -after numerous failings of this kind, more than anything else I’m the world; this sort of relapse is something I feel I can neither afford (there’s really no one else left to lose, or push away); and she is the last person in the world I want to (push away)! 💔 <-hmm, this icon popped up. Iiiiiiii… right now as I had attempted to go to 😴 found my self once thoroughly disheartened 😔 <- nother icon popped up. Her husband doesn’t appear to be triggered by these things for whatever reason -makes a person wonder about themselves all-the-more 🤔 I don’t know if it’s as simple or accurate or fair to even suggest he is stronger, or I am weaker… maybe she doesn’t even do these things with him (because the feelings aren’t as strong or they are different -I mentioned feelings earlier and how women use different coping skills for moderating and dealing with theirs -alot of women will settle for a relationship with a man who does not bring about the sort of powerful feelings that scare the shit out of). Anyways, I also think about another man in AA who was a real loser out on the street (which I never considered myself) -and how he supposedly NEVER has gotten 😡 (upset at his wife -maybe he doesn’t want to shoot himself in the 🦶 -as I said earlier many people disguise disguise one thing for another… what appears to be respectability, could simply be AA case of self preservation)). Based upon the two men I mention above:

•Could I really be that week? Or;

•Do I lack, or I am limited to my own self-preservation? Or;

•Am I acting in self-preservation?

I find my self at “wits-end”*. Bill W’s old roost 🐓

*Not sure exactly what’s keeping me going thru all this -I’ve just about lost everything a man can lose that means anything to him -except my lodgings my vehicle -and whatever dignity I have remaining 🙆‍♂️

Some people are disappointed to find that -all the success in the world will not shield us from “our darkest demons”. From “our deepest fears”. “Our most gaping wounds.” I think Harry Nilsson discovered this alarming fact after he had reached what he felt was the apex of his career 😪. Uhm 🤔, I think I understand some of that myself. I’m coming to understand that no matter how much better I get (life for me, for a very long time now has been about recovering, getting better) -there’s a point at which I… in which all that I have suffered in life, all the painful realities that life throws at each of us daily… -only so much relief can-be-had! 😌 (a certain amount of joy and sorrow are a fact of life -in spite of our efforts to tilt reality toward… away from…

People do things for many different reasons. May appear to demonstrate as calm or patient is patience or restraint is Sprint manufactured simply be aloofness or indifference 🤷‍♂️ This is the case in every area of life possibly. One thing being disguised/mistook for another that is. I mean 🤔, its’ possible for one thing (behavior, egg (loon) to be substituted for/with another).