When bonds have been broken at an early stage of life… The individuals oftentimes must reestablish those bonds from a different place.

If we have to resort to screwing each other over in order to survive -then maybe it’s best we die -in God’s Graces… and with a clear conscience.

Don’t tread on me!

Nobody can harm our relationship with God or our sense of dignity (based upon how we conduct our selves) only we can do harm to these two most hallowed of grounds -in the criminal world this is something long forgotten, or dismissed. Such examples of humanity are the epitome of me of one’s placement of importance on the material, as well as physical survival, rather than that of the spiritual!

In order to pursue the material in an ungodly fashion -one must tread upon one’s own spirit. It’s better to be poor in spirit -than to be rich! I can’t tell you all the times I did harm to my spirit in the pursuit of people, things… I think the thing that saved me from being drunk, from relapsing was simply my motivations – I don’t believe my intentions were ever malicious although my responses (fear-based) in the face of continued -at some sort of normal life; to find a life very different from the one I experienced in my childhood -I think God was both extremely understanding and patient with my plight. And I who normally hate physical pain in… seemed to apparently endure emotional pain and spiritual pain more readily… Was also able to endure.

When the going gets tough (Billy Ocean)

Some people make a decision one time and it’s it; Others seemingly have to start each day anew with a renewed commitment to a decision made prior. I remember after a couple years in Alcoholics Anonymous being confronted with the choice of continuing to move forward sober -or going back to where I came from. I had to take moments and think about this very carefully and very seriously – During those times in my life when sobriety wasn’t working out the way I had hoped it would. You see people wanted more than what I had to give.. It left me lonely call, rejected, wanting more than what they were willing to give because because they apparently felt they weren’t getting what they wanted sufficiently.

I tell people in the program “Life sometimes sucks but sobriety has always been wonderful”. I tell them a lot of times people in the program get life confused with sobriety – That while life sometimes sucks, sobriety is the most wonderful gift I’ve ever been given. If I throw it away come I throw away everything that’s good about my life eventually. Maybe that’s why some people with long term sobriety choose suicide over relapse -they refuse to throw away the one thing that’s good about their lives. If that makes sense.

I was told many years ago that “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

There is a bit of a difference between instigating an incident in the hopes of discovering is discovering something about a person… God knows I didn’t that many times in my childhood and adult life… And responding to a jab by using (old) behaviors to protect ourselves, keep people at a distance. And while the outcomes may be the same, I believe there is a difference between using old behaviors based upon who a person used to be 🤔 versus who they are now -you see, many people have very long memories. And very limited capabilities when it comes to judging character.*

People tend to veer on the side of car should I get that.

I went to the volunteer fire station to apply for a position, the captain there told me “I don’t care what you did before -I care about what you do now” -the most wonderful words I’ve ever heard out of the mouth of a human being in my life.

Would you rather have a crook with a sterling reference or reformed criminal with a bad reference?

Probably the reason so many people have difficulty recognizing or trusting change in others in others it’s because of the difficulty with which they themselves find in changing for the better.*

If you want to be a trustworthy person -then do trustworthy things 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♂️

If you want to effect your esteem -then do esteemable things 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️

If you want people to be honest with you -show them you have the ability to hear it 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♂️

For me, these writings seem to get pulled right out of the air above me. It’s as if they are everywhere. The vast majority of these writings over the past 5.5 weeks 95-98%, are writings from the past which have been misplaced- And with the exception of perhaps a handful -these have all come to me through memory. Probably 12 to 1500 between yesterday July 6th and August 18th.

Several months ago I opened up a spotify account and with about a week I had 1200 of my favorite songs from memory in my library -Not bad for a man who continually forgets what he ate for supper, where he put the electric bill he received in the mail a half hour earlier… to get milk at the grocery store…

When a person can put feelings associated with past events more or less behind them and have their feelings deal with current defense in defense only….. I think I’m getting there…

I saw a documentary several years ago about universities pushing pushing programs knowing the students would unlikely find jobs jobs -simply for the revenue.

•I think some of this can be attributed to the new mindset of ensuing generations. It’s all about the money! Money gets you laid! Money gives you important! Money gives you comfort!*

*Getting 5000 people at Wells Fargo bank to get on with a scandal or scheme to fraud investors… that’s unprecedented it isn’t it?**

**It’s the easiest thing in the world for me to throw this stuff out there and I make no claims I’m applying it myself throughout my years of adulthood. In fact, my life is so simple now that there’s nothere’s not much room for most of these philosophies are principles which often play out in the drama of life of which I have very little these days.***

***I was once told many years ago to never turn down a good piece of advice even if the person giving it -iIs unwilling or unable to take it themselves. For these people, one can only feel pity.

I believe that if we were more open with one another – Among other things, we would more readily see a pattern of evil at work within each of us that would help us to recognize the existence of a malicious force -as well as a benign one.

“River Deep – Mountain High”

Low, Deep, Wide -this has been my right recommendation to Rafael Nadal over the last 11 years.

With regard to my own personal philosophy on writing: Go as deep; Sore as high; and cover as wide (broad) a range as your limits will allow you to -and then go beyond that! IOW – SIMPLY PUT, I SHOOT FROM GOD’S HIP!*

Believe it or not, these writings have simply come to me – As you can see by the poor standard of English grammar… It’s been, for me, more a matter of openness* than that of talent or mastery. 🤔

*When you say to someone “God spoke to me” or “God told me….” Sometimes you get this look like really, and who are you. For me the fact of the matter is that God speaks to everyone -but not everyone listens. And many who do -do not feel so inclined to share it with others openly -as I have here. 🤷‍♂️

To fail is one thing -to fail as a human being is another! Or is it all wrapped in one! Some say that a person who has wonderful relationships with people has accomplished the most human(e) of all things.*

*As a member of Alcoholics Anonymous I have stated on new military occasions The pinnacle of health humanly and spiritually spiritually is the quality of one’s relationships with others -the greatest indication of of mental, emotional, spiritual illness illness is poor relationships. While the greatest indication of these it is lasting and wonderful relationships.**

**People often confuse (I need a moment 😪) high level functioning with with psychological, emotional, spiritual health. Oftentimes our level of function justifies (masks… There it is again, winning and success solve a lot of problems -but really don’t) our poor psychological, emotional, spiritual health. Last night I got very angry at Ana -said some things I once again regret 🤷‍♂️. We are who we are at any given moment -She deals with her fear by poking and I deal with mine by retaliating***

*** It has been my life long endeavor in many ways to undo what I… to unlearn what I have learned -In the place I want to arrive at is where this whole post started; By having the best possible relationships with the human beings around me. We’re all I may or may not have accomplished in my lifetime, this the final frontier, this the epitome you of… HAS CONTINUALLY EVADED ME -AND FOR THIS REASON I CONTINOUSLY EXPERIENCE A SADNESS For which many turn turn to suicide, self destruction, develop numerous neurosis – Of which I have spent most of my 31 and a 1/2 years sober trying to undo. It is a Testament not to me, but to this program and to God that I have made it this far -and faired this far. In spite of all this I believe I have slowly been getting better through the years. I believe myself to be one of those people who:

•Was never intended to make it as far

•Was never intended to be around people -Hence my walking through life feeling largely unnoticed by others (a 👻 if you will)

•I see why people like myself never find continuous sobriety: experience continued feeling of unrest; have a propensity towards self destruction -It’s a terrible feeling to feel as though you don’t fit in -but worse yet, feeling you don’t matter to anyone.

•I’ve been saying this for a long time, I don’t blame people who end up where I end up -finding this long, arguous, at times seemingly perilous journey -all-for-not. I guess without a purpose to boot.. I have one! Maybe this is what keeps me going! It is to finish what I was elected to do roughly 30 years ago -to write and to complete this sight! 👍

I’ve always found it interesting that people of great accomplishment accomplishment quite often tend to associate associate with people of great accomplishment. In certain instances people refuse to surround themselves otherwise.

I personally find it wonderfully refreshing in this day and age when a person of great accomplishment or stature surrounds themselves with regular people.

Give me back the days when rock stars parted with regular people. 🤷‍♂️

No one was more famous than Jesus and no 1 had more talent come more to offer to the masses than Jesus and yet he surrounded himself with the most common of human beings.

Jesus was on the most notable people’s list at the top for many decades and then one day I noticed that had changed. It was a sad day for me! And very telling of The Times!*

* And while we’re subject on the subject of “Music” and “The Times”. The music coming out of the artist is very telling of the mindset and experiences and the feelings that extend outwardly from those times. And lately I don’t like what I’ve been hearing-that is the reflection of what artist have been putting out the past 20 years or so they’re so – maybe 30.

Through the years I’ve only told a handful of people the name of this website. There is no extensive advertising of any type going on here.. It will take off we’ll take off with one person stumbling across it pulling across it at some point – through God’s direction, and then spread across the globe hopefully through a word-of-mouth. Money is not the aim of this website as previously stated.